Bluffer's Guide to Tennis

Know what to say, what not to say, what to do on a court should you make the mistake of being seen on one, and what excuses to make if you can’t lay a racquet head on a ball. Never again confuse topspin with a slice, or a squash shot with a tweener. Bask in the admiration of your fellow tennis players as you pronounce confidently on the merits of the windshield wiper, the reverse forehand and the run-around.

Above all, know exactly how to hold your own against the sort of tennis nerd who probably emerged from the womb reading a copy of Inner Tennis. And never wear a headband. DO SAY "I was trying out an extreme version of the extreme Hawaiian and something just went ''ping'' in my wrist. Never been the same since. " DON’T SAY "You CANNOT be seriousyou guys are the absolute pits of the world! "